If you follow entertainment and celebrity news, you’d know today a celebrity couple shared they had a miscarriage. To share publicly is a brave decision because we all know the public can be a judgmental place filled with gossip.
The better side is we need to talk about miscarriages to allow us to accept how difficult they are. With understanding compassion and empathy supports and healing become more easily available.
What is grief?
Grief is a process that doesn’t follow any rules. Every person grieves in their own way. When a parent is grieving over the loss of a child, it is a hard hard road. And, the same is true when miscarriages occur but with a few more layers.
The reasons why miscarriages happen are many. When a miscarriage happens people may lose faith in their belief systems, blame themselves, or blame each other, and not recognize how the grief impacts their everyday life, and how it will shape the future.
I’ve had friends have miscarriages, and sudden infant death, and back then in our twenties we were not prepared for the news and weren’t sure what to do. Hard times.
The best is simple but challenging. Accept grief. It is how healing takes place over time … sometimes a very long time. And healing doesn’t mean forgetting or ignoring.
It’s a time to be gentle with each other, understand grief from a miscarriage is tied into physical biological challenges as the mother’s body recalibrates itself from the pregnancy ending. And as a result there can be other physical needs to be taken care of with a healthcare professional.
And it’s not just the mother and father. Miscarriages affect the siblings, the grandparents, aunties, uncles, close friends…it is a communal loss. It’s OK to mourn. In fact, it’s a good idea to mourn.
Find ways to talk to each other, have a funeral (even a symbolic one if that feels like the right thing to do) or ceremony. Grief encompasses the loss of the future. All the dreams and hopes that were being talked about and thought about are suddenly ending.
Should you need help to navigate relationships with grief, please gather the courage or energy to talk to your local support group. It’s there. You are NOT alone. Many have travelled on this road before you and can lead the way.
And, there are those you will never know who will follow in your footsteps on this path. It’s OK to let them know they are not alone either.
Every Day Power
“We do not “get over” a death. We learn to carry the grief and integrate the loss in our lives. In our hearts, we carry those who have died. We grieve and we love. We remember.” ― Nathalie Himmelrich